Set Free

My heart’s finally set free from being behind the steel bars, imprisoned for fighting a battle that no longer belongs to her. Leaving her cell, she has nothing to show for her struggle and pain, except for the scars that she will never be able to heal. However, she has neither won nor has she lost this painful battle for the love of whom she thought would always be hers. General and captain of an army of feelings and emotions, my heart led her willing troops through the endless battle for him. Although to everyone he played the damsel in distress, to her, he would always be her knight in shining armor. His armor however, would be the very thing that would close him off from her; the very thing that would keep her from penetrating to the one thing she fought so hard to protect and ensure was hers; the very thing that kept the two of them from reaching their happy ending. Confined from behind those cold, steel bars, she had time to realize that this armor, so invincible, was made up of all she dueled to prove herself; all the girls she tried to show wouldn’t be what he needed, all the obstacles she tried to show she could overcome, all the hate she tried to show she could get through. All she showed was seen, but never put a dent into the armor that turned out to be his heart.

Being an Option

Someone once said to, “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” But how can I allow myself to give my feelings to anyone else but you? I can’t, I won’t, I refuse to do such a love crime because I know you’re the only one that’s worth my time. You’re the only guy that consumes my mind, the thought of what’s bound to happen, the thought of what could be, the heart trappin’ thought of you and me. Although grammatically correct I put you before me in every way, not just in what I write or say. I only intend to say “you and I,” never will it be “him, you, me, and that one guy.” I will never allow you to be my option because I’m not your priority, and I know that because of this, you’ll eventually be the death of me.

The Crash and Burn on My Highway of Life

My hands slipped off the wheel driving my car on this road called life, too fucked up I’m incapable to steer. So drunk, all the sadness, hurt, and anger got me intoxicated to the point of blackout. How can I still feel when my lights are out, when I have no sound judgment to doubt, when I’m buried in so much nonsense I forgot what I’m so fucked up about. Unsure of my destination, clueless which way to go, what path to take, or what to do; I step hard on the gas like I’m stomping on all the hurt I’ve received from you. Life’s flying by with every inching mile I drive, but foots stuck on the gas, no brake in sight, but I don’t give a fuck, cause I’ve lost my every will to fight. What am I still doing here? So numb, eyes dried out, not even enough for a single tear. Been through so much bull shit, felt every emotion, what do I got left to fear? Flip, crash, and kaboom, didn’t realize that all this pain would lead me to an early tomb. I lay there wounded, using my finger to trace every deep cut mistaking the glass for every stab of your inflicted pain. To this day I still don’t know which hurt more, fresh wounds or feeling the scars that remain.

Love is…

Love is patient, love is kind, love is being completely blind. Sightless to the heartache about to approach, never seeing or believing that your lover is a big cockroach. Not worth the tears or the fighting, but you have this connection you stay for him, for there to continue being a we because without him you believe you are nobody. This connection, so strong, so alive, so full of happiness and pure bliss, he got you seeing his potential, pushing you to further believe that he is essential. I know it, but does he? I can’t bare to live without him, but can he without me? Have I done what I could to continue with him, to continue with we?

What am I still fighting for if he hasn’t showed me a reason? Why am I still putting myself through such suffering, to start up another dramatic season? I think about leaving, dropping everything I worked so hard to create, but my effort meant nothing when there is no one to appreciate. I tried and I tried to show you my affection, but you have a short attention span, continue to go above and beyond to regain your attention. But baby it should be the other way, I should be the one being convinced to stay. You think you can put me on hold cause you know I’ll always be here, but once I’m gone you’re gunna live your worst fear. Takin’ advantage of me for too long, even you must’ve realized that it was wrong. You need me and I need you, show me you like me, make it legit, change for me and for once be true, show me what I am to you.